The beginning…
My story begins with my parents. My father is from Solosolo and Fagali'i in Western Samoa. My mum's family is from Scotland and England but mum was actually born and raised in Gore in Southland. I was born in Wellington in 1977, and I was baptised at PIPC in Newtown. My parents and I then moved to Dunedin where my two younger sisters were born. We had a small farm and our own pony - which my sisters and I fought over a lot! My family attended First Church and my first childhood memories are from Dunedin.

When I was seven years old, we moved away to the United States where we lived in Boston, Massachusetts. We stayed there for 1 year and then returned to Auckland Mängere where my little brother was born at Middlemore Hospital. By this time one of my older cousins was living with us, and so our family now numbered 7 people, 1 turtle named Terry, and 1 cat named Gigi (excluding of-course our big extended family).

Being the eldest
When I was growing up I had always wanted an older brother or sister- someone who would have gone to school first, and walked into Sunday School first, someone else to have the longest lines in White Sunday, and someone else to represent my parents and family in everything they did (good and bad). Instead my role models became my mum and my dad and they still are!

Now looking back I actually hope I was a good older sister!

Two different worlds
Anyway, eventually I came to realise that we were part of two different worlds in which different things were expected of us, and these expectations were often conflicting!

For example, in one world we were expected to be pro-active and to always ask questions. In another we were expected not to talk unless we were spoken too. In one world we were expected to be independent and in the other world we were expected to be part of the group.

Racist comments
Growing up I also experienced racist comments from other people. Comments about how I looked, how I spoke, how I behaved etc…people can be very cruel sometimes knowingly and unknowingly! A lot of the discrimination I have experienced has actually come from other Samoan people about me being an afakasi (half-caste).
For example, being told that 'I am not Samoan because I don't know my language' or 'I'm not Samoan because I don't look Samoan' .

My thoughts
What some people still dont seem to understand is that a culture or society is never static. Therefore the definition of what it is to be a Samoan or to be a Palagi can never ever be objectively pin pointed.
These people who continue to degrade people of mixed ethnicity based on their own prepositions of what is to be an 'X', fail to understand and appreciate that our population in Aotearoa is changing. There are increasingly more people who identify as being more than just one culture, so to all those people who still insist on forcing their stereotypes on us "Wake up and take a good look around!" Over 60% of the Pacific population in Aotearoa are New Zealand born and many are of mixed ethnicity. This growing population may or may not have their language, they may or may not participate fully in Samoan, Tongan or Cook Island communities but it does not mean that they can not identify as being Samoan, Tongan or Cook Island. It also does not mean that we are some how disenfranchised either.

Identity
I personally identify as being both Palagi and Samoan and now Ive found a middle ground so to speak. My new world is a world in which I pick and choose which bits I liked from the two previous worlds. Obviously, I can't always control all bits that come into my new world, but I can now choose what I do, whether I believe the premise that if I dont go to church I'm not a Christian, whether I participate in fa'alavelave, whether I dress a certain way, whether I abide by certain Samoan social expectations and to an extent whether my own children will too.

I also identify as being a Christian but just because I don't go to church every single Sunday does not mean I'm not a Christian! Just because I dont know the Samoan language does not mean that I am not Samoan!

Back to my story…
The rest of my adolescence was spent in Wellington, where I attended my 4th primary school and went to college. At college I met some great friends and had some wonderful experiences being in the Samoan group and performing at Poly Festivals, and joining the multi-choir.

Being independent
And in 1995 I went to varsity at Otago, and discovered what being independent really meant eg flatting with friends, having new responsibilities, paying bills, choosing whether to participate in Samoan activities, choosing how late I stayed out and accepting the consequences early the next morning if I had a class, actually even whether I went to class or tutorials was also my own responsibility.

Anyway I found myself returning home quite a lot, for holidays - I missed my mum, I missed dad and even yes dare I say it, I missed my sisters and little brother!

In my last year at varsity I met my husband to be, through a mutual friend and we both moved to Wellington the next year much to my delight. In Wellington I did my postgraduate study which I really enjoyed! Then I decided I wanted to pay off my silly student loan and wanted a job - found one - started earning and lived with my partner.

Now…
We married earlier this year (2001) in February in Wellington and now live in Christchurch. We are expecting a baby in February 2002 and our baby will be of Samoan, Scottish, English, Yugoslav, and Maori descent. What I hope for my baby and the reason why I am in Daughters of the Pacific, is to try and ensure that more people are accepting of mixed ethnicity. I also want more people to understand that it's up to each individual the extent to which they participate in any society, whether Samoan, Tongan, Scottish whatever! It's our choice.

This is my story and it is STILL a work in progress!